Have you ever found yourself paralyzed in front of the supermarket shelf, unable to choose between dozens of almost identical products? You are not alone. Choice stress is an increasingly common phenomenon that afflicts modern society, transforming even the most banal decisions into a source of anxiety and frustration. A problem that psychologists are starting to study very carefully.
What is FOBO and how does it manifest itself?
FOBO (Fear Of Better Option) was first defined in 2004 by Patrick McGinnis, the same author who coined the more well-known term FOMO (Fear of Missing Out, the fear of being left out because you are inadequate compared to the lives represented by others on social media).
If FOMO makes us want to participate in everything for fear of missing out, choice stress does the opposite: it paralyzes us from engaging in anything. As McGinnis explains:
FOBO is the anxiety that something better might come along. It makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision.
This phenomenon manifests itself in many aspects of daily life: from endlessly scrolling through profiles on dating apps to procrastinating on applying for jobs, waiting for the perfect offer. It can even lead us to abandon online shopping after hours of fruitlessly searching for the “perfect white t-shirt” among thousands of nearly identical options.
Choice Stress, “The Origins”
The phenomenon has deep roots in our evolutionary biology. McGinnis explains that our ancestors were programmed to wait for the best option, as this increased their chances of survival and reproductive success.
But in the modern era, where a simple pair of shoelaces on Amazon offers over 200 choices versus the three available in stores fifty years ago, this adaptive mechanism has turned into a terrible and damaging cognitive trap.
A disturbance of modern abundance
Choice stress can be considered an “affliction of abundance,” as suggested McGinnis al New York Times. The origin of this phenomenon was first observed at the Harvard Business School, where students showed an obsessive tendency to optimize choices, living in a limbo of “maybes” and decision paralysis.
To have FOBO, by definition, you need to have options: it is the byproduct of a hyperconnected world where everything seems possible and the alternatives are virtually infinite.
Choice Stress: Should We Make It Another Disease?
Unlike McGinnis, not all experts agree on such a linear view of the phenomenon. Nicky Lidbetter, CEO Anxiety UK, argues that choice stress may be more of an “activator” of pre-existing anxiety conditions than a disorder in itself. The issue is complex and can manifest itself in relation to decisions of varying importance.
The therapist Racine Henry suggests that FOBO may be rooted in past trauma, where a bad decision led to negative consequences, or it may be a behavioral pattern learned in the family. This perspective opens up interesting reflections on the acquired or innate nature of this behavior.
The effects on physical and mental health
The consequences of choice stress can be surprisingly serious. According to Henry, can evolve into anxiety or personality disorders, causing a cascade of physical symptoms such as loss of appetite and sleep disturbances.
The most significant impact often occurs in interpersonal relationships and life opportunities: from loss of job opportunities to damage to significant personal relationships.
The social vicious circle
FOBO can create a dangerous social vicious cycle. As highlighted McGinnis, those who suffer from it tend to become a “chronic latecomer” in decisions, sending negative signals to their social environment. This behavior can lead to isolation, transforming the person into a “virtual hermit” obsessed with the search for unattainable perfection.
Choice Stress: Practical Strategies to Overcome the Problem
The good news is that there are ways to combat choice stress. The psychologist Patricia Dixon suggests a fundamental paradigm shift: accepting that our decisions can be “good enough” for the present moment, without expecting them to be perfect forever.
To simplify things: Most decisions are not irreversible. If your pizza choice turns out to be a bad one, there will always be a next time. Even for bigger decisions like your job, they are rarely final and immutable.
The Importance of Mindful Action
Experts agree on the importance of developing a more balanced approach to decisions, without obsessively seeking perfection:
When you treat your life like a Tinder feed, by scrolling without ever committing to any of the potential options, you send a clear and unmistakable message to everyone else: you are the ultimate latecomer.
stresses McGinnis, highlighting how the problem has repercussions far beyond the personal sphere.
Towards a new decisional balance
In short, whether or not it is recognized as “abundance sickness,” the key to overcoming choice stress is finding a balance between seeking the optimal and accepting “good enough.” It means learning to appreciate what we have instead of being paralyzed by the mirage of potentially better options.
In an age where the possibilities seem endless, from streaming movies to your next date, the ability to make informed decisions and move forward with peace of mind becomes an increasingly valuable skill for our psychological and social well-being. Or is it?
