Have you parked where you shouldn't have and fear the classic wheel locks or, worse, having your car towed away? Prepare for an even more dystopian nightmare: the “barnacle,” a brick-sized yellow device that sticks forcefully to your windshield, making it impossible to drive safely.
It is the new frontier in the fight against illegal parking. The invention of the US startup Barnacle Parking promises to revolutionize the way authorities punish violators.
A word about the name
“Barnacle”, literally “Barnacle”, takes its name from curious crustacean which tenaciously attaches itself to turtles. It's not hard to imagine why.
Hi, I'm a 450kg sucker on your windshield
You return to your car after a not-so-legal stop, and find it with a huge yellow block stuck to the windshield. It's not a hallucination caused by the wine you drank at the table (even?) but the harsh reality of the "barnacle". This high-tech device uses suction cups with a force of 450kg to adhere to the glass, transforming your vehicle into an unlikely post-modern art installation.
And don't let its bizarre appearance fool you: the "barnacle" is a formidable opponent for those who park without rules.
Faster than a wheel chock, tougher than a mussel
The advantage of the "barnacle" compared to traditional wheel locks is the speed of application: less than a minute versus the several minutes required for a wheel chock. In other words, while you are busy drinking your coffee at the café, unaware of the fate that awaits you, the parking officer is already transforming your car into a monument to your transgression.
And don't think you can simply rip this yellow pest off your windshield: the “barnacle” is equipped with an audible alarm that activates in case of tampering, as well as a GPS and a SIM that alert the authority if the device is removed or moved. You're toast, man.
Punishment bordering on dystopia
I want to anticipate your conclusions: let's see if I can. You're thinking about imitating Ace Ventura and driving with your head out the window, don't deny it. Well get ready for a nasty surprise. The barnacle's motion sensors will detect your clumsy escape attempt and trigger the alarm anyway.
You may also end up with a property destruction charge and other additional fines. In short, with the “barnacle” stuck to your windshield, the only way out is to pay the fine and hope the company deigns to release its sprawling grip on your car.
Pay and throw away (the “barnacle”)
Let's say you decide to pay the fine (what alternatives do you have?). One good thing about the Barnacle is that you don't have to wait for the police to clear your windshield. Simply scan the QR code on your device, pay the fine and voila, the yellow block will magically come off.
Then all you have to do is take it to the nearest collection point, like a modern knight returning his armor after a lost battle. And your “barnacle” will end up on the windshield of another unfortunate parker, in an endless cycle of transgression and punishment.
The terror of the windshields: an incoming yellow tide
At the moment, the "barnacle" is in use by some police departments and American universities, but its creator, Colin J. Heffron Sr (send him your blessings) has big plans for the future. With tens of thousands of units already deployed since 2018, it cannot be ruled out that these yellow nightmares could soon invade the streets all over the world, transforming illegal car parks into a sort of post-apocalyptic art gallery.
Next time you're tempted to park where you shouldn't, think about the "barnacle" and ask yourself: Is it really worth the risk of having a yellow brick stuck to your windshield? Unless you're a fan of surreal art or an inveterate masochist, the answer is probably no. But if you really can't resist the temptation of illegal parking, at least now you know what awaits you: a close encounter with the most pain-in-the-ass crustacean there is.
